i learned this the hard way. if you want something, you got to work for it to happen. i believe that my life has degenerate into a living mess because i didnt work for stuffs to happen. that's why it never HAPPEN.
for example. i'm fat. i've been fat since forever i can remember. i dont like being fat. everyday i wake up, not a day i didnt wish that i was not 40kg overweight than i should be. no ones like a fatty. heck, if you ask me, i also dont like a fatty. and in my head, i always think like, if i started dieting last year, i would be skinny now. maybe, if i didnt eat chicken everything, i wouldnt degenerate into the pathetic worthless human being that i am. i hate myself. i hate me. i hate this feeling of powerlessness.
but over time, i built my strength little by little. it didnt happen overnight. it takes month to build the self confidence i now posses in me.
it all began when i hit that 100kg mark. gosh i was a terrible mess. nothing fits. i dont. i feel like i dont fit anywhere. i hate myself for not fitting into the crowd. i was always that fat guy who got left behind because he was so fat.
and so i decided to change everything. and when i say everything i means everything.
it's hard living a routine in which i have to eat very healthily but it's just something that i must do. it's a wedge i have to go through for the rest of my life if i were to claim my victory. i was the best amongst the best. and hell i'm not stopping right now.
i will ensure that i will be the best in my academics, in physical aspect as in i will get thinner and all. it's not that i want to woo people to like me. it's just somehting i need to do for myself.