mope

you can't wish about something and hope that it happens. it's not impossible, but the chance for it to happen is as rare as the sky raining frogs. which in case you didnt get it, is MINISCULE.

i learned this the hard way. if you want something, you got to work for it to happen. i believe that my life has degenerate into a living mess because i didnt work for stuffs to happen. that's why it never HAPPEN.

for example. i'm fat. i've been fat since forever i can remember. i dont like being fat. everyday i wake up, not a day i didnt wish that i was not 40kg overweight than i should be. no ones like a fatty. heck, if you ask me, i also dont like a fatty. and in my head, i always think like, if i started dieting last year, i would be skinny now. maybe, if i didnt eat chicken everything, i wouldnt degenerate into the pathetic worthless human being that i am. i hate myself. i hate me. i hate this feeling of powerlessness.

but over time, i built my strength little by little. it didnt happen overnight. it takes month to build the self confidence i now posses in me.

it all began when i hit that 100kg mark. gosh i was a terrible mess. nothing fits. i dont. i feel like i dont fit anywhere. i hate myself for not fitting into the crowd. i was always that fat guy who got left behind because he was so fat.

and so i decided to change everything. and when i say everything i means everything.

it's hard living a routine in which i have to eat very healthily but it's just something that i must do. it's a wedge i have to go through for the rest of my life if i were to claim my victory. i was the best amongst the best. and hell i'm not stopping right now.

i will ensure that i will be the best in my academics, in physical aspect as in i will get thinner and all. it's not that i want to woo people to like me. it's just somehting i need to do for myself.