Long time no see

it had been a very long time since i last wrote anything.

i missed this blog. i truly do. it's just that, i dont have anything interesting to write about. my life is a bore-fest.

actually, my life is not a bore-fest. it has a lot of crappy going ons and i'm living an agonizing life. both physically and mentally. suckiest thing about it is i can't tell anyone about my problems and rants. because everyone seems to be a loud mouth.

1. of being fat. i did it people. a round of applause for yours truly. i've hit that 110kg marks. i'm so proud of myself. NOT. gahhhh. maybe i'll write a long post about it later. hopefully when the writer's block and laziness has been lifted.

2. of friends. friends. the words i believe, carry an empty meaning. friend, i don't know the definition of it. seems like all the 'friends' that i used to have either leave me, or stab me in the back. 2 ex-friends that i really graciously love, happened to be talking about me behind my back. gooooood. another ex-bestfriend, is a good guy, but when i go to him for moral support, i got none. he even put the blame on me and my family. sooooo much for being a best friend.

3. medical school. i cannot wait to finish medical school. it used to be fun now it's all blablablablablablaaa and people being kiasu and trying to one-up each other. medical school is no fun and hard. the exam, especially the skill lab exam is hard. it didnt used to be hard but now it is. which bring us to..

4. results. i am still bitter that i failed my skill lab examination last semester, call me petty or whatever i don't care. it's not that i'm bearing grudges against the examiners, but i still think i do not deserve to fail.

i guess i'll blog something else later. i'm darn bored and i don't know what to doooo.

an awful lot

i like to consider myself as a nice person. i will usually smile at strangers even though i didn't know them. what more with people i know, like friends or acquaintances. i would greet them with pleasantries and bid them farewell every time i meet them. i'm not trying to act nice, this is what my parents have drilled into me as a kid, a trait i well of carry into my adulthood. it's common courtesy too.

it's my principle in life to treat people the way i want to be treated. love them like i want someone to love me.

i wouldn't mind if people wouldn't want to smile back at me if i smile to them, or show any sign of gratitude for whatever favor i've done for them. i don't have a problem with that. what i do have a problem with, is people who mocked my kindness.

now. most of you might not understand what i mean when i say i frickin hate people who mocked my kindness. these are an awful lot of people, who you have known or interacted with in the past, that you have no problem whatsoever with, that acted maliciously towards your act of kindness.

yesterday while i was at my campus basically walking through the hallway by myself, i bumped into an "acquaintance" of sort with his friend. i've known him from the camp last month, we were placed into the same house, so we basically live under one roof for 3 days. he was, okay-ish. he minded his own business, just like i minded my own the entirety of time we were there. i tried to act nice towards them, but it's really hard because i wasn't like most boys my age. i don't do manly stuffs like, play cards, or football, or talk about football or play football video games or swear or curse. i, admittedly, am a little bit of a softie and over-courteous. let's just leave that at that.

so yesterday, he and his friend were walking in opposite direction from me. we bumped and being the over-courteous creature that i am, smiled at him. and i can see it in his face, he didn't know how to react. whatever. but his friends burst out laughing when they saw me smiled at him.

i was like, i only try to be nice. okay. stop getting irrational thoughts. urghh.

dude please. you're not attractive. you need to take a long look inside a mirror and realize that when people smile at you, they don't mean to sleep with you or try to seduce you or whatever. not to say that your friends fared any better, they're more or less on the same scale as you are. i'm not saying that i would totally hit on you if you are any better looking, but man, you are delusional to think to even think about it.

also, any piece of respect i have for you is gone. GONE. i don't have to take shit for anyone especially from someone as delusional and disrespectful and bigotted as you. you don't deserve a spot on earth with such behavior.

i swear some people need to be enrolled in an attitude adjustment program.

in chronological order

a lot of thing has happened since the last time i blog, and i mean A LOT. hence, i'm not gonna write a long ass post about it but instead put it in numerical points so that you can digest my story a little bit better. here goes in chronological order

1. WENT BACK TO MALAYSIA after the bloody OSCE's exam. it was exciting, fun and everything nice because i haven't been back in what feels like year (in actuality, months). while i was at home, the result for my 4th semester came out and i was very pleased about it because i managed to score a 3.52. the highest so far, okay. and to those who have insulted me for my dissatisfactory 2nd semester's result, YOU GUYS JUST GOT SERVED A FULL SERVING OF IN-YO-FACE! EAT IT!!!

2. FLEW BACK TO JAKARTA  because i failed 3 of the OSCE's stations. bloody hell. had i passed all 12 stations in one go, my holiday will be extended to for a month or so but i didn't so, whatever. and it's not like anyone else fared any better okay. took the exam and can you believe it, my ECG machine broke down the second i tried to turn it off. luckily i didn't lose my cool and so the test went smoothly. except for the fact that i blanked out on the heart rate formula from anxiety that my ECG machine is pulling trick on me.

3. WENT BACK TO MALAYSIA a second time to celebrate hari raya with families and friends. it felt a little bit weird this time around on hari raya what with my first sister celebrating hers with her in laws and my second sister working on the first day of raya. and so the first day of raya was really only the 3 of us (me and my parents). but it was festive nonetheless, tradition was not broken eventhough it was really just the three of us; breakfast together early in the morning, the forgiveness ceremony and the usual open houses. and i just couldn't stop going back to the dapur for more ketupat servings okay, it was never delish during any raya time before this but maybe because it was homemade coconut wrapped ketupat this time, it was major superrrr! on the second day we went balik kampung to my late-grandfather's house to celebrate the festive with the rest of my distant relatives. more open houses and ketupat eating sessions before...

4. I FLEW BACK TO INDONESIA to attend the bloody camp organize by the bloody campus. it was meaningless and a waste of my time. it was fun regarding the fact that i got to go around the lake of this place the event was held but a part from that, nothing much. the execution of the event was weak and it was severely disorganized. 1) the event could be done in one day, but instead it was dragged into 3 days 2) it was meaningless because we were asked to fill up this book that contained super ridiculous questions which were rather psychological and irrelevant 3) it was held a week after raya, so the airplane tickets was crazy expensive. and it's not like we would be reimbursed of anything, it was all on our own tab. now now, i'm not being miserly or stingy but had they postpone or forwarded the events, everyone would not be so begrudgingly unhappy. to release some steam of disappointment..

5. I WENT TO JOGJAKARTA to relax and unwind with 3 other friends. jogja doesn't have that much to offer, and i am being bluntly honest here, unless you are into historical stories or architectures, like ME. while the visit to the parangtritis beach was mildly disappointing, largely in part due to 1) the lack of public transport willing to take passengers to and fro the beach area after 5 2) the beach that was not well maintained by visitors evidenced from the rubbishes disfiguring the beach scenic views 3) the wave was rather strong so swimming was strictly prohibited, the beach REDEEM itself by its breathtaking views every sunset and sunrise and other fun beach activities like horseback and ATV riding. had the chance to go to Mount Merapi which is famous for spewing hot lava and gases back in 2010 that devastated the majority part of jogja and killing lives. other places that i visited include Malioboro road, a shopping heaven, Universitas Gadjah Mada, a university so large it rivals our UM, Kraton, the palace of the Jogjakarta monarch, Vredeburg museum, which displays dioramas on Indonesia's history, including the aforementioned, Mount Merapi, Parangtritis Beach and the Borobudur and Prambanan Temple.

i guess that's it so far, maybe i'll write a super long ass post about my trip to jogja if i feel like it but till then earthlings!

p/s: i know i promised you that this wouldn't be a long ass post but i got carried away, but whatever, right?

i need a rest

osce is over. finally. bleargh.

i don't want to care about it. if i pass all 12 station, alhamdulillah. if i fail, well i would be super pissed and unhappy because all the questions asked are well within the limit of my knowledge, so i don't know what happen if i do fail BUT i will just have to make peace with it i guess. i THINK i can do them all but God knows how the result will turn out to be. for the mean time just have to wait and pray for the best.

anyways, i'm super bored with nothing else to do so might as well write what those 12 stations are all about.

i started at station 11 and the case is about a man complaining of breathlessness. diagnosed him with asthma but not sure if it is because all the test i requested ended up being unavailable or not yet ready.

station 12: a case about a man with hypopigmented patches on his skin and complain about numbness on the affected skin. definitely lepra. but i screwed up the skin and integument test because the question was confusing (do all SKIN test that support that the affected skin is numb). SKIN freaking TEST so i only do SKIN TEST LAH, if you asked me to check the nails and hair i would, okay.

station 1: rest

station 2: reflex test. a man was involved in an accident with bruises and cuts on his face. this is easy peasy.

station 3: test for abdomen. i think i did everything right here but the doctor is psychoing me with her headshakes and stuffs. i definitely definitely think she is trying to psycho me but i'm psychoproof so whatever, just wait for the results to come out.

station 4: septic and antiseptic routine before an operation procedure. went well except for the fact that my surgery mask kept on messing with my eyes and i was nearly taunt to tears. i think i'll pass this one because except for the mask mishap everything else was fine.

station 5: test for ascites and cirrhosis. went well except for the fact that the doctor was uncooperative (he remained silent throughout) and didn't give me any of the lab test that i requested. diagnosed the man with liver cirrhosis due to over consumption of alcohol.

station 6: vital signs and abdomen test. a man came with a fever since 5 days ago. i diagnosed him with dengue fever because his IgM dengue virus is positive.

station 7: ECG. mother of pearl i couldn't find the power button on the ECG machine. waste like 3 minutes babbling nonsense until i found it at the back of the machine. FISH!

station 8: anthropometry for babies, nutrition and imunisation. can-lah i guess. luckily i read about immunization the night before.

station 9: musculoskeletal. a lady came with a complaint about rigidity on her right fingers with mild fever. the mobility and range of motion of the affected fingers are restricted. diagnosed her with rheumatoid arthritis based on the predilection of the disease (fingers, small joints) EVENTHOUGH none of the test that i requested (rontgen photo, rheumatoid factors, athrocentesis) had been done to support my diagnosis. whatever, i'm confident it is rheumatoid arthritis.

station 10: vital signs, professionalism and empathy. a man came with a complain about his hypertension. i cheated on the pulse and heart rate because i took too much time taking the blood pressure. and only take the temperature 3 minutes before the time is up(supposedly 5 minutes prior to reading). it was supposed to be easy peasy but i don't know.

gah. whatever. i dont want to think about it. if i were the doctors evaluating i would give myself a straight pass because it's not like i don't know how to do it and some more, 10 minutes are too much of a constraint for me to do the best i can.

in the meantime i'll just pray that it will turn out fine because i don't want to be studying anything else during this holiday because HOLIDAY is HOLIDAY.

10 characteristics of a person that i hate

1. you are a liar.

2. you are a liar.

3. you are a hypocrite. you say one thing and totally act the opposite. bitch, please. be steadfast with your decision. if you like cake say you like cake. dont be like i hate cake because cake is the worst and it's expensive and i will never eat cake because it's bla bla bla what shit and what not but when somebody give you cake you'll be gobbling it up like a pig.

4. you are insensitive towards the feeling of others but you are so sensitive with yours. you say some of the bluntest thing i've ever heard a person could say to another, but when you received the same treatment you become super emotional. it's tiring dealing with you.

5. you are untrustworthy.

6. your jealousy is ridiculously surmount.

7. you are indecisive.

8. you are unappreciative.

9. you are a liar.

10. you are a liar.

burden

why do i have to be the bigger person? why do i have to apologize for when i did nothing wrong?

he came to me, borrowing my stuffs and never did i say, no you cannot, because you are irresponsible and i can't trust you taking care of my stuffs. scratch that, he didnt even ask. that right there, ladies and gentlemen, is a thief. and did i ever called him names he didn't like?

NEVER.

but when i asked for something as miniscule and insignificant as 5 minutes of his time, i was, in his own word, MENYUSAHKAN. me, being a burden to him? why you little unappreciative twat, should i mention all the wrongs you have done to me? and never once in any of those instances did i ever called you a burden eventhough your demands excuses are just downright ridiculous.

i never asked for people to say thank you, or give me flowers or send me a card whenever i helped them with something. you dont even have to be appreciative. heck, if you can't help me lessen my burden, whatever, i dont care. i'm totally fine with no one carrying my weight of a problem. but don't ever dare say that i am troublesome or act all high and mighty just because i was in a pinch.

if you don't want to help fine lah, just go away and leave me alone with my trouble to solve. i dont need you to add more pressure to my pre-existing one. dont call me, a burden, menyusahkan things like that if you dont want to help.

you know what, i am just going to stop being kind to you. whatever. you had it coming. i dont have to be the bigger person between us two to just forgive you when i did nothing wrong. why should i apologize anyway? i dont have to. last time i check, being nice is not

dont expect to trample all over me and not to get trampled all over back in turn.

gadgets

1. is laptop considered a gadget? if it is, my first ever gadget that i own would be my acer laptop that my father bought for me circa early 2008. the same laptop that i use to do my homework, play games and so many other ridiculous stuffs with up until i broke it into half in 2011. from then on, my white vaio has taken over the job for it. my old laptop run on vista which in case you don't know suck so much ass because it take forever to load until it was replaced by windows xp which still sucks but to a lesser degree. i still think i have a shitload of valuable files in the old laptop, mostly pictures but me being my lazy self i still haven't retrieve the hard disc. whatever.

2. my first handphone was a sony ericsson that i bought in 2008. then in 2010 i bought a nokia before i get my hand on my current blackberry torch that i loath, sort of. it's freaking heavy it weigh like a freaking brick in my pocket.

3. has owned a camera when i was in high school but not of the DSLR type. i dont understand the hype behind those bulky cameras but whatever, to each is his own.

4. my first and only game console was my gameboy advance which i lost at school.

5. so that is my bored ass reviews about gadgets i ever owned. read or freak off.